Gut wrenching

Again, I am thinking back to all the times I ought to have proposed. Even in the last year, when things were at their worst, there were plenty and to spare opportunities. When she was in the hospital following surgery. At home, when I was caring for her. There was so much tenderness, so much love, so much caring at the time, yet I could only care for myself. SS offered good advice yesterday - '... you can't really force yourself to get your head together, it has to come in time, so don't kick yourself too hard.' But it still hurts. It still makes me wonder at the waste of all of it. Oh well, oh well, oh well. Life goes on, right? *Feeling ill* .. life goes on..