Reiterations and more

It is happening again – I’m rehashing things from the last year – it seems that I do it involuntarily. This time I was going over what happened after Promise Keepers last year... after I got back home, I was able to break the bonds that pornography had on me – at that point I had been addicted to it for somewhere around 10-12 years. But I was finally rid of it – too bad I was too scared to have her destroy it WITH me. Yes, that was the kicker – I was willing to be healed on the inside, but I still didn’t allow myself to open up, to show my closed wound – to show the scar. I was willing to say, to admit, to announce, that I had been delivered – but I couldn’t bring myself to admit WHAT I was delivered from. And I still was holding on to my addiction to NJA. It’s just so sad and stupid and unreal. I had happiness in the palm of my hand, but I threw it away to pursue the OTHER woman.

“Why would you do this?” you ask. I don’t know. She had been with C for going on 3 years at this point. They had already done EVERYTHING a married couple does, short of procreation. Yet still I held on. On and on and on.

But now I am free. And it’s a scary, scary thing.